hard questions

it happened again.
i got asked one of those hard questions.

questions like:
are you going to have more children.

are you done yet.

are you going to try for a girl.

and my personal favorite - do you know what causes that.

 

first, when someone asks do you know what causes that i always respond:

yes and we like it.

i wish i had the nerve to add

so why don't you have more.

i prefer this question because it is the only one i can honestly answer.

and maybe because i like to see the other person's face expression after my reply.

i would love to be able to answer these random people that do not know me.
i would like to know the answers myself.

see, we don't know if we will have more children.

it is not up to us.

5 boys is so great.

but 1 more baby would be great too.

yes, i would like to be done.

i don't like being pregnant.

i don't like my body changing all the time and never being able to wear the same clothes.

i don't like morning sickness, bed rest or preterm labor.
i don't like the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn.

but, all my reasons for wanting to be done are totally selfish.  and they are all totally worth having another little baby.

are you going to try for a girl.

obviously i don't know how to do that.
but, i like little girls.
really, i adore little girls.

but, i don't want a daughter at the expense of not having one of my boys.

i also don't want a girl.

i don't want a little girl because it will break my heart every time someone says

are you done now that you got your girl.

i can not even put into words how those words would hurt.

but, yes, i do want another baby.

i'd like to see a bit of husband, a bit of me and a bunch of God all mixed up again.

each one of my boys brings me closer to God.

i love watching husband with our babies.

each baby just adds more everything to our family.

and that is why we will just leave it up to God.