another blessing

i don't know if i have the words for all my feelings.
but i am going to try...

for years husband and i thought we knew better than God about what our family should look like.
i wish we would have had more faith.

one day we realized our greatest blessings were our boys.
(just like the Bible says and we always knew deep in our hearts)
it was then that we saw what we were missing.

we had paid money to have husband's body mutilated to keep God from giving us any more children.
we mutilated something perfect that God made...how stupid we were.
we then went and had all that mutilation "fixed".

having bo christian was a gift that has been unbelievable.
i don't love him more than my other boys,
but it is through him that i've been able to understand more clearly about God's love and forgiveness.

and now.
now, He has blessed us with another baby.
i still can't wrap my tiny brain around the fact that God could love us this much after we willingly disobeyed Him.

so! yes, 12 weeks.
thrilled does not begin to describe it.

after dinner this night, a man stopped me and asked if they were all mine.
i told him yes, all the boys were my children.
shocked, he asked, "all 5 of them?"
"yes, all 5 of them."
he points at husband and says, "i know why he is bald, but where is your gray hair?"

i wish i had thicker skin for all the hard questions about our family.
really, what i need is to show more love and compassion.
after all, that is exactly what God has done for me.

39

yesterday i turned 39.

the day was all kinds of wonderful and normal mixed together.
perfect to me!

a friend stopped by for a visit, i schooled the boys, there was good phone conversations, a door knob was pulled off and i got a nap.
husband brought me home a new electric skillet and he made me my favorite brownies.

but, my favorite part of the day was when i asked everyone what i do to make them feel loved.

*there was the safe answer of going to mass together.

*one boy said when i make a good supper even when i don't feel like it.
(dear morning sickness that comes every single evening, you are so reliable)
i thought that was a really sweet and considerate.

*when i read chapter books out loud to them.
this one surprised me!
i have not been reading to them like i used to.
they reminded me of some books we've read together.
i will start again.

*when i help them with their school work.
i was also told they feel loved when i don't give them lots of math problems.
they will just have to feel unloved, because they are doing their math.

*when i take them to the skate park.
it is in a different city in a bad part of town.
i always feel unsafe there.  husband usually takes them.
guess i could take them once this spring or summer.

*the husband said when i get up early with him.
why did he have to say that???
i require so much sleep and he wakes up before it is even morning time.
by the time i roll out of bed he's exercised, done his morning readings, is even dressed and making a hot breakfast for all of us.
maybe i could try to do that once a year???