mommy guilt

bronson is playing soccer this fall.

husband took him to his first practice.

a neighbor has taken him once - she has a son on the same team.

my mom has taken him once - thanks mom!

i have dropped him off and left bauer to watch him a couple of times.

and i have been to very few of his practices.

 

his practice begins and 30 minutes later caden has practice across town.

i can't figure out how to be at both places at the same time.
 

i was taking pictures of him the other night.

the baby wanted the camera.

connor wanted my attention.

i was ignoring both of them.
their behavior was getting bad and i was frustrated.

 

 

then i realized the real problem.

it was me.

 

i feel guilty for not being at more of bronson's practices.
i feel guilty for not being at more of bauer and caden's practices.

i guess i thought taking pictures of bronson and ignoring my 2 babies would make it all better.
wrong.
 

right now my big 3 are getting the bad end of the deal.

i've asked myself if i would do it all again.

 

yes.  yes, i would.

i want their sports to be for them.

i want them to play for themselves.
 

 i think having brothers and being able to play their sport is more of a gift
than having a mother that watches each one of their practices. 

   

 

and why, when i realize the guilt and can think through it,

i don't feel guilty anymore?

 

*some how, i have made it to all of connor's practices.

he's told me before that it is all about him.

guess he is right this one time.*