another blessing

i don't know if i have the words for all my feelings.
but i am going to try...

for years husband and i thought we knew better than God about what our family should look like.
i wish we would have had more faith.

one day we realized our greatest blessings were our boys.
(just like the Bible says and we always knew deep in our hearts)
it was then that we saw what we were missing.

we had paid money to have husband's body mutilated to keep God from giving us any more children.
we mutilated something perfect that God made...how stupid we were.
we then went and had all that mutilation "fixed".

having bo christian was a gift that has been unbelievable.
i don't love him more than my other boys,
but it is through him that i've been able to understand more clearly about God's love and forgiveness.

and now.
now, He has blessed us with another baby.
i still can't wrap my tiny brain around the fact that God could love us this much after we willingly disobeyed Him.

so! yes, 12 weeks.
thrilled does not begin to describe it.

after dinner this night, a man stopped me and asked if they were all mine.
i told him yes, all the boys were my children.
shocked, he asked, "all 5 of them?"
"yes, all 5 of them."
he points at husband and says, "i know why he is bald, but where is your gray hair?"

i wish i had thicker skin for all the hard questions about our family.
really, what i need is to show more love and compassion.
after all, that is exactly what God has done for me.