Wednesday, September 12, 2012

mommy guilt

bronson is playing soccer this fall.
husband took him to his first practice.
a neighbor has taken him once - she has a son on the same team.
my mom has taken him once - thanks mom!
i have dropped him off and left bauer to watch him a couple of times.
and i have been to very few of his practices.
his practice begins and 30 minutes later caden has practice across town.
i can't figure out how to be at both places at the same time.
i was taking pictures of him the other night.
the baby wanted the camera.
connor wanted my attention.
i was ignoring both of them.
their behavior was getting bad and i was frustrated.

then i realized the real problem.
it was me.
i feel guilty for not being at more of bronson's practices.
i feel guilty for not being at more of bauer and caden's practices.

i guess i thought taking pictures of bronson and ignoring my 2 babies would make it all better.
right now my big 3 are getting the bad end of the deal.
i've asked myself if i would do it all again.
yes.  yes, i would.
i want their sports to be for them.
i want them to play for themselves.
 i think having brothers and being able to play their sport is more of a gift
than having a mother that watches each one of their practices. 
and why, when i realize the guilt and can think through it,
i don't feel guilty anymore?
*some how, i have made it to all of connor's practices.
he's told me before that it is all about him.
guess he is right this one time.*

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